Pro Work Tip 22: Show Up When You Don’t Need Anything
Most people treat their network like a fire extinguisher, something you ignore for years and only grab when there’s an emergency. Then, the moment they need a job, an introduction, or a favor, they dust off their contact list and start firing off messages. It rarely works as well as they hope. Here’s why, and what to do instead.
The Cold Reach-Out Feels Exactly Like What It Is
Think about the last time someone you barely knew, or hadn’t spoken to in years, messaged you out of nowhere asking for something. A referral. A favor. An introduction. Even if you didn’t mind helping, there was probably a small flicker of something else too — a sense that you were being used. That the only reason you were hearing from this person at all was because they wanted something.
That feeling doesn’t go away just because the ask is reasonable or the person is likeable. It’s baked into the timing. A relationship that only activates on demand doesn’t feel like a relationship — it feels like a transaction wearing a friendly voice.
Keeping a Network Warm Is Simple, Not Time-Consuming
The fix isn’t complicated, and it isn’t a huge time investment. It’s just consistency. Reach out occasionally with nothing attached:
- Send an article you think they’d find useful or interesting
- Share a quick piece of advice relevant to something they’re working on
- Send a relevant joke or a “saw this and thought of you” message
- Congratulate them on something you noticed — a promotion, a launch, an anniversary at their company
None of these require a response. None of these ask for anything. That’s the entire point. You’re not managing the relationship for a payoff — you’re just staying present in someone’s life in a low-effort, low-pressure way. Do this consistently, even a few times a year, and you’re no longer a stranger who shows up when it’s convenient for you. You’re someone they actually know.
When You Do Need Something, the Order of Operations Matters
Eventually, you probably will need something — advice, an introduction, a reference. That’s normal, and a good network exists partly for exactly this. But when you make that ask, don’t let it be the entire interaction. Immediately follow it with a genuine offer to help them back, in whatever way you actually can.
This does two things. First, it rebalances the exchange in the moment, so the interaction doesn’t feel one-directional even if the immediate need is yours. Second, it signals something important about your character: that you think of the relationship as mutual, not extractive, even under a favor is on the table.
The Real Shift
None of this is about being strategic or working an angle. It’s about treating people like people instead of line items in a contact list you check when you’re desperate. Networks built on genuine, low-stakes contact hold up when you need them. Networks built on silence followed by sudden asks tend to crumble exactly when you need them most.